Guest Entry
10/10/09 2009:
"When a guy goes to a hooker, he's not paying her for sex, he's paying her to leave."-Unknown
I am no writer. My talent with words is lacking to say the least and I do not really feel like I have anything of importance to say. But what the hell, I’m drunk, I’m down, and Max said I could, so please bare with me. So what do you want to read about?
The economy?, healthcare?, Jesus, Heaven, Hell, happiness, Gay rights?, AMERICA, (Fuck yeah), did I say healthcare? Trivial topics. Lets, talk about sex baby! (Lets talk about you and me)
In the mortal words of Bette Davis, “Sex is God’s joke on human beings.”
I agree, sex is just a wonderfully cruel joke. To put it bluntly, I hate sex.
The moment you learn about sex it slowly starts to creep into your mind. Vines growing up some brick wall, slowly taking over until the walls gone and only the vines exist. So, for most of your adolescence you wait, impatiently, for the moment some girl says, “ Stick it in me, move it fast and hard, share my mind, make me feel alive, make me cum.” So, you work it, hard, fast, finish and you’re ready to go to sleep and dream.
Unfortunately, it seems sex is a much more complicated process than this. It seems like one of you is always there and the other one isn’t. The boy is extremely excited and the girl just wants to get straight to the sleeping, or vice versa. So, you both awkwardly put in some sort of effort, something is accomplished and then your done. It’s awkward, stupid, embarrassing, but luckily over. At this point you jump right into the sleeping and dreaming, normally as soon as possible.
My second point, besides the awkwardness, is the disease. Listen ladies, its not that I don’t want to touch every single one of you, kiss your thighs and put my tongue in your ear, I just don’t want to wake up one morning wondering why my dick is on fire, dripping some type of strange liquid, and think, “Oh god damn it, this is a problem……….for life!” I also do NOT want AIDS, sorry, sex is not worth death. Maybe, not everyone reading this blog had the pleasure of attending Mrs. Hanus’ s human growth and development class, but the slide show on STDs was more than enough to convince me that my dick does not belong in every hole that it fits into.
Now, I know that this whole thing is pretty anti-sex. Please, do not get me wrong, sometimes, it’s right. A complete abandon of pride and manipulation. You’re both there, mouths linger over each others bodies, everything you do works, you share each other, you sweat over each other, and for a moment of bliss you each share the exact same thought. As I said before, wonderfully cruel.
To end this rant, Ladies, I love you, your curves, your tans, real ones though not fake, your hair, your eyes, and your legs. Oh, I love your legs. I love how you are all on a completely different planet from me, and I don’t understand any of it, but I more than enjoy visiting your world.
So, I leave you with a challenge; prove me wrong.
Emilio,
ReplyDeleteHumans are sexual beings. It is an obsession that haunts all of us at one time or another whether you are a man on the mystical conquest for 'poontang' or a woman looking for love in the all the wrong places. Personally, I was a man obsessed with the conquest. Obtaining that glorious sexual fantasy and uncovering all of my sexual curiosities was definitely a goal for me that started in high school. Of course, I only knew the basic facts. Penis + vagina = fun and pleasure. I didn't realize the physical and mental 'baggage' that came with a sexual conquest. I used alcohol and marijuana as the 'loophole' that was going to get me past the baggage and into the sack. Drunk texts, random girls, and awkward moments was the initial results of my fool-proof plan. Get drunk/become Superman/unlimited women to satisfy my sexual curiosities. I was a lonely virgin, hanging out with friends who were sexually experienced to learn the trade and hopefully lose that stressful VIRGIN label. My quest reached its climax my junior year of high school. I was drunk, she was drunk, it was her friend's bed. The evening was 'perfect' in my immature mind. I wasn't even naked, but she was. It was challenge after challenge for that first time. After attempting to put a condom on the wrong way for a few minutes i was safe and secure behind the latex wall, separating me from STDs and babies in my future. My pants were at my ankles, my shirt and shoes were on, she laid me on my back and hopped on to my erect penis. We, (my penis and I) were excited to get some sex. 15 minutes later it was over. I was impure, I was 'experienced,' I was a man. So I thought. I couldn't help but live in regret after that. I wasn't the one and done guy. I couldn't get perform for her the same way after that first night because it didn't feel right. I was a human and the emotions were consuming me. I stopped having sex for two more years until I found the girl that I truly wanted. Long story short she threw my brain and my penis into a horrible twister.
Now, I'm back in the same spot. No girls, no sex, no desire to go to a party and 'hook' up with a random girl. I am a shadow of my formal self. I love women, I love sex, but it is still a fantasy to me. Though I have experience and I am physically ready, my mind has been fucked. Thats the challenge of it all. My dad once told me that confidence = repetition and preparation, I don't think that I personally have the confidence to pursue women sexually right now.
So I agree with you, Emilio. It's awkward, it's painful, it's horrible at times, but once you find that one person that gives you that confidence to just be a man, we as men will find that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.
Great post I really enjoyed it.
Emilio, that didn't make any sense.
ReplyDeletewhat the feek emilio. (i bet you can guess who this is)
ReplyDeleteEmilio, you are... a dumb ass pussy whose actions contradict this whole post.
ReplyDelete