Save the beer that saved America

By this time we all know that the beer doesn't make the man, and I don't mean to name drop, but honestly; what's better than cozyin' down to a nice cool buttery Pabst?

It's a no-brainer. Nothing can beat a good old-fashioned Pabst Blue Ribbon. It's cheap, it doesn't taste very bad, and you can even drink it. But don't trust my opinion. Let's look at the facts:

• Pabst was deemed "best beer in the country" in 1893, and it's still going strong today (just like ragtime music, phonographs, lynchings, and the temperance movment).
• A 24-pack only costs about 15 dollars at South Street Liquor, which is less expensive than college tuition.
  
• Pabst won a gold medal in the 2006 World Beer Cup, held in Denver, CO, the undisputed beer capitol of the world ("The World Beer Cup, often referred to as 'The Olympics of Beer Competitions,' is the most prestigious beer competition in the world." - worldbeercup.org).
  
• Fact: Lincolnites frequently wear cutoff Pabst t-shirts.
  
• Pabst gives you the drinkability of Bud Light, but without all that unwanted vomit. Proof: Emilio drank 24 PBR's before writing that last blog entry, and no one heard a word out of him the entire night.

But the best thing about Pabst has nothing to do with its
accessible price, or even its challenging, complex flavor. More subtle than any of its hops or malts is Pabst's marketing department. When was the last time you saw a Pabst advertisement? Probably never, because Pabst doesn't advertise. Yet Pabst is everywhere (all over the counter, all over the floor, half-full cans, upside down empties, puddles; Pabst all over the place). If Pabst doesn't advertise, how is it that we continue to see cases of PBR and Old Style at parties, lounging in stacks of Keystones like sagacious war-weary veterans? I could tell you, but this excellent New York Times article pretty much covers all of that nonsense.

Instead, I ask a more important question. Pabst is trying to compete in a market flooded by opponents (think Miller, Coors, Corona, Budweiser) with advertising budgets that could choke the life out of poor Fredrick Pabst (the 1840's steamboat captain/Milwaukee dreamer). So what can you, the Pabst-lover, the Old Style aficionado, the shotgunner of many blue ribbons, what can you do to help perpetuate and sustain the presence of Pabst products in your local liquor store? There are two simple steps:

1. You can contribute your dollars. Buy more Pabst. Today. Now.
2. When you go to bed at night, every night, ask yourself what you did that day to help sell Pabst. Expect more from yourself than simply doing nothing. And remember, only you can be held accountable for your sins.

You may be thinking, "gee, I'd love to help spread the holy word, but that second option seems mighty vague. What specifically can I do?"

Get creative. Connor, Emilio and I made the poster pictured above. Totally original, and we had a great time (a few PBR's) doing it. Yeah, we're pretty cool. And if you really can't think of anything, then try incorporating sales pitches into your everyday speech. Here are a few examples:

"Brews tonight? Pabsolutely."
"When your great grandfather Otto came over from Germany, first thing he saw was the Pabstue of Liberty."
"Jane had one too many last night and pabst out in the bathtub."
"My favorite Queen song is Bohemian Rhabstody."
"Am I making myself clear? Perhaps I'm being a little too pabstract."
"Check it out! This restaurant has Pabst on tabst."
"What's the habst?"
"In A Christmas Carol, Ebeneezer Scrooge is hounded by the Ghost of Christmas Pabst."
"In order to join the parish he had to take a vow of pabstinence."

Do your duty. Enjoy Pabst, and enjoy it loudly, and be it otherwise, may God have mercy on your soul.

Almost exactly 1 of every 25 words in this entry is the word "Pabst."